What Is Gossip, Really?

worth a slow cup of coffee
Windswept golden grass in a quiet field at dusk.

I felt convicted recently about gossip. I never really considered myself to be a “gossiper,” but I’ve realized that it’s easy to veer into gossip all too easily. I think there have actually been many times when I’ve gossiped and not even realized it. I was talking about gossip yesterday with my girlfriend, Ana Lucia. I was sharing my convictions with her. In doing so, I also realized that I wasn’t even really sure what qualifies as “gossip.” I like this definition from John Piper:

Gossip is derogatory information about someone that you have, shared with others in a tone of confidentiality, not motivated by doing good to them, and enjoyed in a way that shows your heart is not humble.

Ouch. Piper also teased out three “marks” of gossip that helped him land on that definition:

  1. A negative spirit more bent on hurting than helping (often disguised as concern, like “let’s pray about that”)
  2. Excessive interest in others’ affairs that aren’t your business, what Paul calls being a busybody
  3. Pride, the pleasure of knowing something others don’t and feeling “in the know”

I’ve also realized that gossip isn’t limited to whether the information is true or false. False gossip is certainly the worst form, but you can also make true statements about a person that still count as gossip.

What Does the Bible Say About Gossip?

Gossip shows up in a cluster of New Testament vice lists, always in bad company:

They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents…

Romans 1:29-30

For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish… that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

2 Corinthians 12:20

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.

1 Timothy 5:13

That last one has always stuck with me. Gossip is tied to idleness, to having nothing better to do. It’s the kind of sin you fall into, not usually one you plan.

An Abomination to the Lord

Solomon puts gossip in even starker terms. It doesn’t use the word “gossip” outright, but the connection is direct:

There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

Proverbs 6:16-19

“One who sows discord among brothers” and “a false witness who breathes out lies” are about as direct a description of gossip as Scripture gives, and they’re sitting on a list with murder and lying under God’s hatred, not off to the side as a minor offense.

Proverbs comes back to this more than any other book:

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

Proverbs 11:13

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Proverbs 16:28

The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.

Proverbs 18:8

That one is repeated word for word at 26:22. Gossip isn’t just spoken, it’s savored, both by the one telling it and the one hearing it.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

Proverbs 20:19

For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.

Proverbs 26:20-21

Gossip as literal fuel for a fire that would otherwise burn out on its own.

The root command goes all the way back to the Law:

You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD.

Leviticus 19:16

And it shows up again as a test of who gets to dwell with God at all:

O LORD, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart; who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend.

Psalm 15:1-3

The New Testament carries the same weight into church life:

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law.

James 4:11

And Peter lists it right alongside crimes: “let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler” (1 Peter 4:15). A meddler, next to a murderer and a thief. That’s a sobering group to be lumped in with.

What Is NOT Gossip, But Might Feel Like It?

Matt Mitchell wrote a companion piece on Desiring God that draws out four things that look like gossip on the surface but aren’t.

  1. Reporting a crime or wrongdoing to proper authority. Calling the police about something you witnessed, or Paul warning Timothy about a man who wronged him: “Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message” (2 Timothy 4:14-15). Naming a person’s actions to someone with authority to act isn’t gossip.

  2. Seeking counsel. Talking to a trusted pastor, counselor, or friend about how to handle a hard relationship or situation with someone isn’t gossip, even though you’re discussing a person who isn’t present. The aim is help, not exposure.

  3. Warning someone about a dangerous or deceptive person. Paul does this openly: “watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught” (Romans 16:17), “Look out for the dogs, look out for the evildoers” (Philippians 3:2). Protecting someone from being hurt or deceived is love, not gossip.

  4. Speaking truthfully about someone’s sin out of love, wanting justice or restoration for them. This is the subtle one. Just because something is true doesn’t make it not gossip, and just because it’s negative doesn’t automatically make it gossip either. Joseph brought “a bad report” of his brothers to their father (Genesis 37:2), which Scripture treats as the negative example. David’s enemies visited him while he was sick, acted concerned to his face, then spread word that he was dying (Psalm 41:5-8). That was gossip dressed as concern. But Jesus also spoke hard truths about people’s sin constantly without ever gossiping.

So the line between gossip and not gossip isn’t necessarily the topic (bad news, someone’s failure, someone’s absence). It’s the heart behind it: are you talking to help this person and the people involved, or to enjoy having something on them? Are you building trust or spending someone else’s reputation for your own pleasure? Same facts, same absent person, a completely different act depending on motive and aim. It comes back to one of the two greatest commands: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39).

I’m still growing in this, and I by no means have it all figured out yet. Thankful for Jesus’ grace in all areas of my life! Thankfully, I’m not saved by my own merit.