Wanting and Not Wanting

I’ve had these things on my mind lately, so I felt so inclined to bring them up. I apologize in advance if some of what I say is a bit heavy-handed. That is not my intention and I’m not trying to say anything shocking. Just trying to be real. If you’re a Christian, you more than likely experience a constant inner-turmoil at the heart, mind, and soul-level. What I mean is this ability to want to do something and not want to do something at the same time—either good or bad. You may even feel a bit crazy at times, I know I do. How can you want to do something and not want to do something at the same time? Paul talks about his internal struggle with living by the Spirit and yet still giving into the desires of the flesh:

15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.
16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.
17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.
19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.
20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. – Romans 7:15-20

I feel this way a lot. It’s pretty painful at times. Let me give an example. Sin is fun, which is why we do it. When I am tempted to sin, I’m tempted because I know for at least a moment, it will be fun and enjoyable. But I also know somehow, it will be both enjoyable and not enjoyable at the same time. I hate to be too blunt or insensitive with my words, but what if I decided today I wanted to go out and do a couple lines of cocaine. I can promise you, it would most certainly be fun. I would be lying if I said it wouldn’t. But it would also be not-fun, and the consequences of doing it would far-exceed the temporary enjoyment that it brought. These kinds of conflicting desires really create an inner “angst.” Although at times, very painful, this angst is a wonderful thing and something that should be cultivated. There really is a “suffering in the flesh” that is necessary in this life when it comes to following Jesus:

1 Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin,
2 so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.
3 For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry.
4 With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you;
5 but they will give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.
6 For this is why the gospel was preached even to those who are dead, that though judged in the flesh the way people are, they might live in the spirit the way God does. – 1 Peter 4:1-6

To cease from sin means to suffer in the flesh. It is so painful to not do the thing that you really want to do. If you struggle with pornography, not going to that computer screen, tablet, or phone will be painful. You will be denying yourself “temporary” comfort and pleasure. And I can assure you, 90% of the time, when you don’t give into that temptation, you’re not just going to feel an immediate “pat-on-the-back” and just feel really good that you didn’t bite the hook that time around. You’re probably going to feel uncomfortable for at least a little while because you didn’t satiate that hunger or thirst. Do you feel good if you haven’t eaten for 24 hours and somebody puts a nice juicy steak under your nose for you to smell and then you don’t get to eat it? Of course not. Whether a desire is right or wrong, not curbing that appetite will not feel pleasant. You want relief. Unfortunately, sin doesn’t relieve and just like when you eat a steak, you’re hungry again a few hours later. I can promise you however, that if you keep fighting your sin and putting that desire to death, the temptation will feel less-intense and probably start to come up less-frequently. You will begin to experience more freedom in that given area and open the door for God to start doing work in other areas of your life.

You know what gets really frustrating? Knowing what’s true, knowing what giving into sin produces (displeases God, guilt, shame, more sin, not feeling satisfied, etc.) and still doing it anyway. How can a person know all those things and still do something anyway? I think sometimes I think somehow the outcome will work out differently or that somehow this time will be different than the last time. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? So there’s the part of me that really wants to do something and thinks it will be great and somehow different this time and then there’s the other me who doesn’t want to do it and knows it won’t go well for me. It’s almost like there’s two people within me (which there really is to an extent – look again at what Paul said). At my core, there’s the man who wants to live by the Spirit and a life pleasing to God, but then around that core is all these conflicting desires of my former-self (the flesh).

So what do we do then? Well, I think there are both practical and spiritual things that can be done. I’ll start with the practical and then move to the spiritual:

1. If you struggle with pornography, either put some sort of protective software on all your devices or take them all into the back yard and either smash them or set them on fire like a good friend of mine once did with his electronics. If you are looking at pornography on your computer at work, then find a different job. Whatever you need to do, be serious about it.

2. If going out and partying a bit too hard with your friends or coworkers is an issue, get some new friends. Again, be drastic (If your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off – the words of Jesus). Be ruthless with your sin. Isn’t your sin ruthless with you?

3. If you struggle with alcoholism or using drugs, get some type of counseling or go to AA or Narcotics Anonymous. Take a different route home if your normal one takes you by a liquor store, bar, or certain neighborhood.

Alright, you can see where I’m going with the practical stuff. You can apply these drastic principles to practically anything. Once again, I didn’t say any of this would be easy. I may be bringing it up in a cavilier manner, but know that I know it’s easier said than done. And believe me, I’ve done these very kinds of things, so I’m not just saying things that I haven’t done or am not willing to do myself. Okay, into the spiritual stuff now (though note, there’s a little overlap to the spiritual/practical stuff)…

4. Don’t fight sin on your own. Seek Jesus by praying to Him and asking him to kill these desires within you. You cannot truly experience real freedom in these areas in the ultimate-sense without the work of the Holy Spirit. Any behavior modification apart from Jesus is merely just that—behavior modification and not true freedom. It won’t get at the heart (pun-intended) of what’s really going on. You have to sever it at the root.

5. Try to find a healthy local church where you can be in community with other believers who can pray for you, encourage you, and speak into your life—holding you accountable.

6. Don’t just put-off your desires, but seek to find their satiation in Jesus—the cistern that doesn’t leak and the bread that never leaves you hungry.

7. Find scriptures in the Bible that speak to your specific situation and write them down so that you may draw from them in times of temptation and vulnerability. One I always keep in my back pocket is Romans 13:14…

“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

I will even say that verse aloud sometimes when I feel tempted to Sin. You have to have something to go to when those conflicting desires come up, otherwise your strength in fighting them will erode over time until you eventually just don’t care anymore and give in. Will power alone won’t get you there. Lastly, and most importantly, we aren’t just fighting sin just for the sake of fighting sin. We have a new life and a new nature along with a new inheritance and a citizenship in Heaven. But even more important than that, we fight it because we love Jesus and we want relationship with Him more than anything. He’a good to His children. He has killed the fattened calf, put a nice robe on us, and a ring on our finger. We are His. Let us not forget who we are in Christ. We are no longer our former selves. Wherever you’re at in life, keep pressing on to know the LORD. And we will reap eternity with Him, if we don’t lose heart and give up!