Livin’ that Whack-a-mole Life

I have to admit, my posts have been somewhat serious or even borderline melancholy lately, but I’ve decided that’s not necessarily a bad thing. This post is no exception. It’s been a tough season for Theresa and I, but it’s also been a tough decade or so—marked with suffering along the road of obedience, but also suffering along the road of folly. Regardless of the source of our suffering, the last decade has been peppered with heartaches, disappointments, and calamities. This most recent season of suffering, however, has sharpened our sense of reality a bit more. I have felt more aware of ultimate reality than I ever have—and by God’s design. I still see dimly (that is another post all together as the word ‘dimly’ keeps coming up in praying, reading, listening, and from dear friends) though. All we get on this side of eternity is a seeing ‘dimly.’ Nonetheless, I’m not saying I see ultimate reality clearly, but what I am saying is that my seeing of ultimate reality has been clearer than it has ever been; and it is directly the result of great sorrow and suffering; wrought by God so that I may indeed taste and see Him more clearly.

Rivers flow into oceans over and over and the waters never come to their rest. Due to the Earth’s tilt on its axis, the atmosphere never reaches a state of equilibrium. It’s like a moving target. The seasons constantly change. Summer fades to fall, fall fades to winter, and winter fades to spring. Clouds form and dissipate. Such is reality and the order of current things. There is no ultimate conclusion or organization of things on this planet. Trying to order and control these things, especially our lives is like trying to grab onto a cloud and take-hold of it. This is why Solomon describes life like a vapor. You cannot lay-hold of it. I know, for any science people, clouds are condensed water vapor, so clouds aren’t the perfect anology, but you catch my drift.

So lately, I’ve thought to myself, “Yeah, having a better understanding of reality is cool, but what am I supposed to then “do” with that understanding? If there’s one thing I want,  I would sure like to get free from thinking there is some different reality to be had! It may not be the way I prefer reality, but reality is reality. And I know that somehow because of God’s Sovereignty and his infinite wisdom, it’s the “best” way for things to be from an eternal perspective. That itself is also another topic. Sometimes life feels like the game “Whack-a-mole.” Just when you get one thing resolved, 3 more things pop-up. I just want to get enough money in my savings account, I want everything in my house fixed (at the same time), I want everything neat and tidy and in order and just as I want it to be and I want it to stay like that forever. I want everyone in my family to be healthy.  It all sounds silly on paper, but I promise you that is the posture of my heart and the main expectation of my life 99% of the time.  I just want everything to be easy with no stress, no worries about the future, no uncertainty, I want everything to be predictable, and then I will be good. I want to mow my grass and it stay the same height so I never have to mow it again and I want my freshly organized landscape free of weeds to never have weeds in it ever again. I want to continually build on what people think of me, so that my reputation is increasingly better.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, trying to achieve equilibrium in life is a fool’s errand. It won’t happen for most of us; especially those who God loves. Thanks be to God that he doesn’t allow complete equilibrium in our lives. We trade in equilibrium for something much better, that brings actual, true peace—Jesus himself. My hope is that someday I quit carrying out this fools errand. This is a topic I feel like I could write much on, but I will refrain for now. My hope is simply for Jesus to be enough and to make it to the end. And I’ll enjoy some things along the way as well.