Handling Disappointment

Have you ever been disappointed? Of course you have. Disappointing things happen in life. Almost everyday. You don’t get the job you were hoping for, your friends or family let you down, plans fall through; the vacation you were really looking forward to gets rained-out the whole time; the buyers for your house back out of the contract; what started as good news becomes bad news, etc. Getting your hopes up, to then have that hope dashed to pieces, is painful. In this life, disappointment is inevitable, so what do we do as it comes up? I’m still learning when it comes to this. With everything in life, the only thing I know how to do is go to the Bible. I could share a bunch of verses that relate, but I’m just going to share some of my experiences (which I know is dangerous, so test it). Here are some observations from my own life that I hope you will find to be oddly encouraging:

Try not to over-analyze

I know at least for me, I tend to over-analyze or read into things a little too much. I sort of “egg on” my emotions with my thoughts. I kind of think of it like a petty elementary school confrontation that goes on in my mind with my thoughts and emotions. It’s like one kid says to the other, “your momma’s ugly!” And the other kid says, “did you just say my momma’s ugly?” And you’ve got everyone on the play ground gathered around instigating saying, “Yeah, he did call your momma ugly,” and before you know it, a brawl ensues. Maybe the kid said something else entirely, but it escalates quickly and  is blown out of proportion. It goes from something small to becoming a big monster. Once this happens, it’s pretty hard for me to talk myself off the ledge. It buries in like a tick and it’s hard to undo those feelings. Sometimes it may not even just be your own thoughts, but it could be the enemy. In either case, it’s important to recognize it and guard your heart before the fire gets stoked.

Try not to retreat

I know for me, I tend to want to isolate whenever disappointment happens, especially if it’s a season of disappointment where it’s like a machine gun of one thing after another. Have you ever said, “I’m done. I give up. I try all the time and stuff still sucks, so I’m just going to quit.” My FB newsfeed is littered with memes and statuses like this. It’s this, “I’m just going to do me from now on” type of mindset. Some people combat this stuff with positive thinking and self-help stuff, but even that falls flat eventually. Positive thinking in the midst of disappointment sounds somewhat like this (name that movie quote):

“My life is good, really good! I get to wake up every day at 5am and make some soup. I get to lay in my bed all alone all of my life. It’s fantastic!”

It’s hard to press through disappointment, especially when “retreating” or “washing your hands” of things seems justified. Doing that just leads to bitterness and resentment. The only thing I know to do is fight it. The way to fight might look a little different for everybody, but the main way I fight is through prayer and scripture. It’s nothing too fancy or complicated. Also, I try not to wear myself out too much by trying to find some grand “meaning” or “reason” for the disappointment as I fight, which is a nice segue…

I’m grateful for some of my past disappointments

I look back on some disappointing life events, and can now see that it was actually God’s goodness. At the time it was just disappointment.  Maybe that meaning that I was seeking to find in the beginning was not something that I could discern until quite a while later. Sometimes we never find some grand meaning on this side of heaven and I’m ok with that. I remember a couple years ago when Theresa and I were praying about a big cross-country move to be a part of a team of people who were planting a church. We felt faith for it and really wanted it badly. We even thought it was for sure going to happen, but it didn’t.  I remember that was painful. It stung quite a bit. It was DISAPPOINTING. But by God’s grace, we pressed on and now a few years later, God has planted us somewhere else when the timing was better and in hindsight, it’s a much better fit than the other move would have been. It’s just one example of many throughout my life. I used to have a leader who would regularly say (and mean it), “I’m glad God doesn’t always give me what I want.” This really stuck with me over the last couple years because there’s just so much truth in it. Sometimes I am kicking and screaming to get my way and yet even then, God has grace on me and does not let me have it. It’s comforting to know, that even when I get in that place where I’m faithless and can’t just “press through,” on my own strength, he’s going to keep me. He’s going to shepherd me. Making it to the end will not be because of me and my inherent faithfulness. He will have new mercies for me every morning.

Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.” – Hosea 6:3