Rid Your Life of Negative People: Good Mantra or Bad Mantra?

It’s early-2018 and so some resolutions are still in full-force. Among all of the resolutions and newly-adopted mantras I see during each new year, one of the more troubling ones I see is the mantra of “ridding one’s life of all negative people or people who don’t inspire you or believe in you.” From a pure, worldly stand-point, this mantra makes perfect sense. However, as Christians we are not of this world. I’m afraid that Christians who adopt this mantra risk doing more harm to their life and faith, than good if they do not proceed with caution or with at least a few caveats. Obviously, like many mantras, this one is an oversimplification. Life is alway more complex than just a simple mantra.

I would have a few questions for a Christian that adopts this type of mantra. For example, what do they mean by “negative people?” Do they mean people that influence them to stumble into sin or that are in some way a hindrance to their faith? Do they mean people that just have a negative attitude or are painful to be around due to personality, or demeanor, or life circumstance? They may have a good case if they’re referring to the former type of people, but not necessarily for the latter. There are seasons where we need to distance ourselves from friends or family that cause us harm or influence us into sinning (“You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth?…A little leaven leavens the whole lump” Ephesians 5:7 and 5:9). But even then, it’s pretty tough to make that into a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach.

I believe there are times (and many times at that) when the Holy Spirit leads us to “bear with” messy or difficult people. We do not exist just to please ourselves (Romans 15:1). Jesus hung around very messy and very difficult people. He died for a messy and difficult people. Romans 5:7-8 says, “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person–though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die–but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Israel was also a stiff-necked people (Exodus 33:5) and yet God chose over and over to be in their midst. It’s easy to surround ourselves with “good” people that are easy and require little wherewithal on our part. But the Gospel changes everything. We are called to associate with the lowly and to love difficult people by sacrificing our time, energy, money, and sometimes our lives. Yes, there are times to “go” or flee, but there are also times to “stay” and fight.

I am certainly thankful I had a few people walk with me through my messy season of life. I can assure you, it was a very one-way relationship for a time, where they got very little out of it in terms of reciprocation from my end. If anything, being friends with me came at a cost to them spiritually, emotionally, and financially. Those who are strong have an obligation to bear with the weak:

“We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me” (Romans 15:1-3).

This is what it looks like to really “love” people. Whether that be in marriage, friendship, or any of our relationships. Some of you would do well just to apply this to your marriages. What would your marriage look like or how would it change if you saturated it with the truth of Romans 15?

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.”

I am so thankful God never adopted the mantra “rid yourself of negative people or people who are difficult to be around.” Can you see why such a mantra (that at first glance and on the surface sounds good) is actually borderline un-Biblical? I always cringe a bit or feel concern when I hear Christians adopt this way of thinking. Yes, there are times when we are supposed to distance, sever, or “rid” ourselves of certain people or certain situations, but I think there are many times where we should remain in a situation and fight or sacrifice ourselves. Believe it or not, God does ask us to do things from time-to-time that come at some type of cost or that don’t seem like the most logical or safe bet. Sometimes he asks us to do things that are very painful and very risky. Here’s to taking more risks and bearing with more people in 2018!