Bearing Fruit in Drought

I have had a long hiatus from blogging. It has been a busy summer. I think if you made a word cloud of my life, BUSY would certainly dominate the landscape. It’s been (mostly) good busy though. We have moved twice and the kids have been in 3 schools in the last year. We finally bought a house, and so now we have 2 mortgages. I’m thinking about considering myself to be a real estate investor, not by choice. Ironically, buying a house in Gainesville is cheaper than renting a mediocre apartment. Go figure. The church I attend is now a 1 year old and we moved to a new meeting space back in May. We’ve doubled in number and have some groups multiplying this fall, so that is refreshing! The new home is great. We love it. We live about a mile from Lucky’s Market, which is probably the awesomest grocery store I have ever been to, and are also within 1 mile of the kids’ school. I must say, coming through all of this, I am a bit crispy though. Lot’s of headaches along the way and my Father’s health has taken a tumultuous turn in the last few weeks. But I don’t think my crunchy attitude and grumpiness are circumstantial.

I’ve just simply been spiritually dull, on-and-off for the last year. There are various reasons for this, some of which are out of my control. It’s kind of been a spiritual drought. I’m not concerned that I will be in this “bologna and cheese on white bread with a side of lukewarm tap water-state” forever. Some things are in my control. But at this point, if getting some water on these crops rested on my willpower, I’m a goner. Step one is realizing you’re in a spiritual slumber, so I’ve at least got that going for me. So I tell myself what we should tell ourselves, “seek Jesus.” “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” Unfortunately, preaching to myself and saying truth doesn’t always work. At least not right away. It’s good to fight through these things and I actually think it’s God’s grace that we go through these seasons. Remember, “He works all things together for the good of those who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8). It’s that going beyond spiritual milk and moving on to solid food. It’s the getting beyond just the elementary doctrines and moving on to the bigger things. Saying these spiritual things make my situation sound all romantic, but my situation has felt like anything but that. Sometimes I walk around feeling spiritually like one of those dry, light blue packing peanuts that have been popping up all over the new house and blowing around as we slowly unpack. I’m a dry, little, light blue packing peanut at the moment. I know it won’t last forever. “How long, O Lord? Will you hide your face from me forever?” Comforting to know that what I am experiencing, is normal (at least for David it was normal). I think our gut-reaction (or at least MY gut reaction) is to beat myself up for “not delighting” in God. Is that Biblical to beat ourselves up for NOT delighting in God? No. Yes, we should delight in God and it is actually sin to not delight in God, but we must remember that the sin of not delighting in God has already been dealt with, for the Christian. That can feel like a huge weight lifted off for someone that can feel beat down for not delighting in God. I trust Him. I know He will keep me. I know I will delight in Him again, and on that day when I’m finally delivered from my weak flesh, I will delight in Him forever. There are new truths and facets, and wonders about God to be known everyday and to discover for eternity. He really is the most enjoyable thing. See, faith is already rising up in me as I write. I hope faith continues to rise up in you, the reader!

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! – Psalm 27:13-14